Seasons, they come and go and they can feel like they’ll make you or break you.
My husband and I moved to Central Oregon six months ago and wow has it been a season. It’s been a season of growing and trusting and believing, even when I don’t see it, feel it or even want it.
We left all we knew, all we loved, the place we met and became one, our family, our church family and friends, and came to do ministry. Ministry in a small farm town, miles, mountains and states away from the city we loved so much and our beloved community.
I will stop and interject here for a shameless plug – if you’re in Nashville and need a church home — go to Nashville Life Church and get plugged in! They are some of the most God loving, God fearing, dedicated, Spirit filled friends and family I’ve ever met, you won’t regret it I promise!!
So back to seasons — we got here in July of 2016 and my hubby got right to work, doing the ministry he was created for – worship. As you can imagine the worship has been united and flowing in the Spirit of God and infused with the Joy that is undeniably authentic. He’s been able to see a team unify and press in for the Kingdom’s sake and we’ve all gotten to experience the benefits of the unification, it’s been nothing short of amazing and encouraging, and just down right fun to worship Jesus with such an excitement for who He is!!
To be real, it has been a different season for me, I’m not good at being a bystander, sitting on the sidelines. I want to be in the game, I want to ‘do’ something too. Much to my surprise – I mean we left everything we knew and came across the country for this ministry right – God had me on the bench. What!?!?!?!? I was so confused, I was sad, angry, mad, and grasping at all I could, to try and ‘do something’ or ‘start something’, create what I knew and loved.
And almost on cue – all those yucky feelings that the enemy wants so bad for us to believe and partner with so we’ll be that much more ineffective and angry came rushing in. After admittedly having a few tantrums I finally caved, “God what is it, what are you trying to teach me here?” Turns out He was (and is) doing something in me in this season, this season that I would have labeled a dry and weary season.
So for the past few months I’ve been digging my own well with Him, He’s been teaching me to know deep deep in my soul that He is enough, He is faithful, He is all sufficient, He is I AM which means HE (not me) is in control. Weird that I always ‘knew’ that but never did I have to walk through it in this way, in this ‘I came, I’m here, I listed Lord, I obeyed Lord – WHAT ARE WE WAITING ON – kind of way’
Oh you’re waiting on me to do the internal work that is needed to move forward, oh You’re way more worried about a personal relationship with me than what kind of vision plan or ministry tool I can put together, oh you want me completely dependent on you before You can use me here. Wow, I sure thought I knew all of those things before. Something is different when you ‘know’ it in your head and when you experience the:
“You have to wait, I am God and I am in control, and I am going to take you through this for your betterment. You’re not going to like it, but because I am a good caring Father I am going to take you through it anyways, it’s for your good, it’s for your growth, it’s for your future, and ultimately it’s for MY Glory.”
So I decided to start digging, and knew that with every excavation of my self my well got deeper. His word talks about this and He took me to Hebrews chapter 12, in such a sweet manner and it’s become my theme chapter for this season.
These verses in particular, but really the entire chapter I’ve read and re-read.
11-13: For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.
25: See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven.
28-29: Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.
So as I’ve leaned in, kept digging and need to dig more still, I’ve become grateful and thankful for this season, and I just want to know Him more and more and in new different ways than I have before. Trust Him in ways I’ve not had a chance to before, and be disciplined. I don’t want to be a spiritual brat, never being taught, I want to continue to grow up as I continue to say yes to Him. It’s not always easy or fun, but the ultimate, the finished product, the coal refined to diamonds — that’s what I’m choosing to focus on, that’s what I’m keeping my eyes on. Knowing that HE is the author and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2, I’m telling y’all, this is my chapter!!) and not me, I am actually not the author and most definitely not the perfecter even on the days when I really think I am, it’s indeed Jesus who does all of it.
This is the season I’m learning in a real, raw, authentic and undeniable way that there will be seasons marked by what seems like drought, and what He’s calling me (and you) to do is choose trust over doubt. To choose to dig, to lean in, to submit, to surrender, lay it all down at His feet and let go of all control, ideas, and plans no matter how noble they may be. He already has and will continue to show me what to pick up, what to move forward with and what to leave there at the cross, surrendered to Him.
I’m oddly thankful for this really hard season, and it’s not over yet. I’m still in the middle of digging my well with Him, I hope to always be digging, diving in deeper with my creator, to know Him more and ultimately who He created me to be, He is the author after all!
So here’s to 2017 friends, let us dig deep with Him, let us not overlook any seasons or rush to get to another one before we’ve done the work He has for us in this one.